Tiger’s Transgressions: Why Do Men Cheat?
Tiger’s Transgressions isn’t a movie yet but I’ll bet somebody at the Lifetime or Oxygen channels is probably working on a script. After allegations of multiple affairs became public, golf icon Tiger Woods stood in front of a press conference and said, “I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings.”
Tiger Woods is just the latest celebrity linked to controversial extra-marital affairs. Here are 7 more peccadilloes of the rich and famous:
- David Letterman apologized on his TV talk show for embarrassing his staff and hurting his wife after having an affair with a staffer.
- Mel Gibson’s wife of 28 years divorced him and 6 months later he had a child with another woman.
- Brad Pitt hooked up with Angelina Jolie while still married to Jennifer Aniston.
- Bill Clinton denied his affair with Monica Lewinsky saying “I did not have sex with that woman.”
- Hugh Grant was caught with a less-than-model-beautiful prostitute while married to Liz Hurley.
- Jimmy Swaggart lost his TV ministry and let down thousands of followers when his visits to prostitutes was discovered.
- JFK had an affair with Marilyn Monroe.
I’ve blogged on the movie Moonstruck before. It raises the question “Why do men cheat?” and answers it with “Because they fear death.” Not being a man, I can’t say for sure, but MSNBC reports on studies that say some reasons men cheat involve recapturing the thrill of “new sex,” avoiding intimacy, recovering lost youth, or escaping an unhappy marriage. Psychology Today suggests that high profile men may cheat because they feel invulnerable, because travel affords opportunity, and because their exciting lives create the need for a constant adrenaline rush. I’m pretty sure boredom, attention, excitement, and fear do have something to do with it.
Help me out here because I have some questions:
Is sex with the same person that unsatisfying or is this lack of satisfaction an indication of something else?
How much attention and admiration is enough?
Why does having a secret or engaging in subterfuge seem to make life more interesting?
Why are a beautiful wife, a loving family, lots of money, the pinnacle of success, public respect, and, even religion not fulfilling enough?
Something caused Tiger to make the choices he made. Apparently everything he had wasn’t enough. Perhaps men really do cheat because they fear death.
Jasper Parnevik, who introduced Tiger to wife Elin says, “We probably thought he was a better guy than he is.” All of us want people to think we’re better than we really are. Until Tiger’s transgressions were found out I suppose Jasper Parnevik assumed Tiger deserved the life he had. Now Jasper seems to think Tiger deserves for Elin to use a “driver next time instead of a 3 iron.”
In his apology Tiger admits that his family deserves better from him and describes his adultery as a “transgression.” Apparently this was an unfamiliar word to many people since on Dec. 2 the word “transgressions” topped search terms according to Google Trends. So what does “transgression” mean? Dictionary.com defines it as a “violation of a law, command, etc.; sin.” Webster’s calls it “a violation of a law, command, or duty.” Word Reference.com defines it as “the action of going beyond or overstepping some boundary of limit.” All these together give us a pretty good perspective on “transgression.”
As a Buddhist, Tiger is probably familiar with “transgression” as a way to describe his violation of the law of karma, which, from his perspective, is what he did. Karma works on the theory that we get what we deserve. I wonder if the idea that he’s negatively affected his destiny will effect Tiger’s confidence on the golf course.
Perhaps “transgression” is most familiar to Christians because of the King James Version of Isaiah 53:5, often read at Christmas or Easter: “But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.” In 21st century English: Christ got what we deserve.
April 4th, 2011 at 10:44 pm
Interesting take. I expect you are right that preferences formed through the impact of first experiences make a lifelong impression. What a sad thought that one’s tastes, even in a marriage partner, would have to be influenced by public expectations associated with a particular image.
April 4th, 2011 at 5:29 am
Just a comment: the hooker Hugh Grant was caught with is not “less than model” pretty, she was quite beautiful, in a raw way, but all the opposite of most models. That may have been what Grant really liked in fact but not matching the social standard of a rich guy’s wife (booby blond with a lot of make-up).
My impression regarding most of these successful cheaters is that they marry a woman that matches their new living standard but not their taste. Their taste was shaped when they were teen-agers, not rich nor sucessful, with the girl next door or hookers. One should not neglect that the power of the first times (BTW this is also true for drug use, these are called cues, and cues fuel love). After that, you learn.. that you are cooked..